considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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