pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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