"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
