all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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