hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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