im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize