She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize