I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
