im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize