I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
