i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can I color on your dick again?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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