I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
