based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
