I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
