remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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