She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
