I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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