Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
