a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize