is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
