Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
