i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
