The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
