the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
try to milk me bitch
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
