i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
