Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
