He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
