Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
