Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
