hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
