when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
