Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
