he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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