my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
