I'm lost and stupid without you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
