a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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