i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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