Your dad touched me again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
