This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
