No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
