That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
