I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize