How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
