beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
