he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize