she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
