the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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