So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
