Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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