Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
