My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
