i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
