I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
