i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
