Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
