Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
