just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
