Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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