i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
