every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize