It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
