woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
