I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
