I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Found the puke drawer
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
