but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
