I'm really into asian looking animals
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
