I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You've changed since you got that strap on
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
