Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
