Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
