I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
