I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize